


Over, Under, Around, and Through.

by the_ninth_planet



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Aftercare, BDSM, Blindfolds, Blowjobs, Bottom Todd, Communication, Crying (Just a Little), Developing Sexual Exploration, Dirk Gently's Many Alternative Uses For Ties, Dirk is a dom, Dirk is bossy, Emotional Sex, Established Relationship, Fite me (or read it and see), Gags, Just a whole lot of feelings, M/M, Oral Fixation, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Restraints, Though just in case you were hoping for it there's no actual penetrative sex so, Todd is a sub, Todd is... (kinda) bratty, Trust, and power dynamics, but not as a lifestyle, handjobs, just kink and love here, just... a thing they like to do, nothing heavy, so many feelings, soft kinky lovestruck idiots, talking about feelings, top Dirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 01:45:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18982690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_ninth_planet/pseuds/the_ninth_planet
Summary: “Todd,” better late than never he supposes, closing the space between them and reaching out to cup his jaw, “darling.” Todd’s eyes flutter shut and Dirk can feel where his breath shudders out of him, a little of the tension in his shoulders dissipating with the contact. They stay there for a while, Dirk brushing his thumb over Todd's cheek, skin rasping against stubble until he leans into the gesture willingly.It's just some very emotional non-boring sex porn. Withfeelings.





	Over, Under, Around, and Through.

**Author's Note:**

> Bringing you some kinky shit, if that's the kinda thing you want. 
> 
> I don't really have a preface to this, just that Dirk has a lot of issues with being controlled that could be helped by him having some power back sometimes, and Todd giving himself up to be looked after for once would help him too. Mutually emotionally beneficial BDSM power exchanges are something I'm interested in writing, and as much as straight up kinky smut is cool and I support it, this is kinda more of a character and relationship study through kinky shit, if you will. 
> 
> Or just tell me to shut up and read the porn.
> 
> Please don't read this if you're under 18. It's not for you and I can't stop you but it'd be a really gross thing for you to do when I've asked you not to. Don't be that person.

Todd is in the kitchen doing something that seems to involve a lot of unnecessary slamming of cupboard doors and poor unsuspecting kitchen items against the counter. He’s been doing this a lot the last few days, and it’s not gone unnoticed by Dirk, but it seems to be coming to a head if the way he’s started swearing at every inanimate object that inconveniences him is anything to go by. It’s hard to tell if something triggered it, Todd just _gets_ like this sometimes, full of stress and tension and too much into his own head, he knows that when that happens Todd is never thinking good things. He can never get him to talk about it though, he starts pulling away from people instead, emotionally mostly but physically too. When it starts to get to that point, Dirk often decides to do something about it. 

It’s something best approached delicately. There are times when Todd will fall into it so willingly Dirk finds it hard to remember that sometimes he makes it difficult, and he knows that this is one of those times he’ll take some talking into letting go. Dirk is generally bad at reading people, but he knows Todd well enough to know that, so it’s something he keeps in mind when he hears Todd curse over the unmistakable sound of shattering glass, deciding it’s about time to make his way through to the kitchen.

“Everything okay?” he moves to put the kettle on, watching Todd clean up the broken pieces and run his thumb under water. It’s bleeding but only a little, he looks more irritated than hurt by it but Dirk catches him by the wrist anyway. “You should be more careful.”

“It’s _fine_ ,” Todd shoots him a look that’s more of a glare, belying his frustration as he tugs his hand back. 

“Maybe, but _you’re_ not fine,” it’s direct because he knows he’ll respond best to it, even if that response is to put more distance between them, taking a step back. Dirk is glad that the size of the room means he can’t go too far. 

“I’m fine,” he backtracks, softer, less confrontational. “I didn’t get much sleep last night, I’m just tired.” It’s times like these Dirk wonders how Todd kept up his lie for so long, he’s terrible at it. 

“Is that why you weren’t in bed when I woke up this morning?” 

Todd shrugs, relaxing a little at the ready made excuse. “I didn’t want to keep you up.” Dirk lets it hang for a moment, searching for the right thing to say. 

“You keep pulling away from me,” he watches the way guilt colours Todd’s expression for a moment and curses himself for picking the wrong words. 

“Dirk... I mean- I just-” Todd fumbles for the right words, but Dirk just shakes his head to cut him off. He doesn’t need him spiralling any further than he already has. 

“Come here,” he doesn’t make it a question on purpose, he doesn’t want to give him room to keep pulling back.

“I-” he looks wild for a split second, like he’s considering running, and Dirk wonders if he should have stepped in before now.

“Todd,” better late than never he supposes, closing the space between them and reaching out to cup his jaw, “ _darling_.” Todd’s eyes flutter shut and Dirk can feel where his breath shudders out of him, a little of the tension in his shoulders dissipating with the contact. They stay there for a while, Dirk brushing his thumb over Todd's cheek, skin rasping against stubble until he leans into the gesture willingly.

He presses a kiss to his forehead, soft and lingering before he pulls back. “I’m going to make tea, do you want coffee?”

His eyes blink open, wide and a little unfocused. “No, no I’m good. Thanks,” Dirk nods, catching him in a quick kiss. 

“You should put a plaster on that,” Todd frowns, taking a minute to work out what he means before sighing and reaching for the well stocked first aid kit, they keep it as a necessity. 

“It’s really not that bad,” he complains, even as he dresses the wound. Dirk can’t help the smile that tugs at the corner of his mouth, sipping at his tea to cover it. 

“If it got infected and your thumb fell off I’d never hear the end of it.” 

Todd snorts. “So,” he raises a pointed eyebrow at him, waving his thumb, “this is for your benefit?” 

“Looking after you is always to my benefit,” he states, stepping back into his space and this time Todd doesn’t back away. He waits for Todd to look at him before he asks, softly, “let me look after you?”

Todd’s eyes flicker over his face for a moment, Dirk doesn’t know what he’s looking for but he lets him. Actively bringing it up doesn’t always go well, they haven’t made it to that point yet and Todd’s skittishness usually means it’s something they ease into in the moment unless he comes to Dirk first. It works for them, and he knows Todd is significantly more comfortable with it now than he was when they started so he knows they’ll get there eventually. It doesn’t take long before Todd nods his assent, swallowing thickly when he says, “okay.”

Dirk’s smile blooms bright and happy across his face, surging forward to pull him into a kiss, squeezing his hand when he takes it. “Come on,” he says, impatient as he tugs him through to the living room and herding Todd into sitting on the couch. “Stay right there,” he tells him, setting his tea down on the coffee table and stealing another quick kiss. “I love you,” it should sound like an afterthought as he runs off to the bedroom but it manages not to. That particular admission always sounds like a promise.

It doesn’t take long for Todd to get anxious, sitting and waiting isn’t one of his strong suits even if he’s far better at it than Dirk is. He’s already keyed up and tense, and even though Dirk is hardly gone more than five minutes by the time he gets back Todd is nervously chewing on the edge of his nail. The way his eyes snap to Dirk as soon as he reappears give him away faster than anything else would, vulnerable and unsure, he catches on quickly when he catches sight of what Dirk is holding. 

“Ties?” they’ve used them a lot, Dirk isn’t sure what Todd had been expecting but that didn’t seem to be it. 

“Mhm, as the name suggests they’re good for tying things,” he smiles, dumping them in a pile next to him, “if that’s okay with you?” It's the one thing he'll always ask, the one thing he'll never compromise on. If it's not good for both of them it's not good at all.

“I-” it's quite something, to watch the battle of uncertainty, shame, curiosity, and _want_ play out over his face, no matter how much he wishes Todd found this easier. Want always tends to win out though, it's no different this time and he clenches his hands into fists like he's bracing himself when he says, “yeah, that's good.”

“Perfect!” it's easy to be enthusiastic when he knows Todd is on board, he reaches out for him, missing the contact and wanting to steady him where waiting has made the tension start to creep back in.

It feels like it should be too much, like the way Dirk puts his hand on the back of his neck and squeezes ever so slightly should just add to the car pile up of too-many-emotions going on inside of Todd’s head right now, but it doesn’t. Instead it makes his eyes flutter shut, some of the tension in his shoulders relenting just a little, enough to make him press back into it, trying to show him what he wants. He’s still not sure he could say anything about it, but Dirk seems to get the message anyway. 

“Do you want me to-” it’s testament to just how tightly wound Todd is right now that he doesn’t manage to let Dirk finish before he interjects with-

“Please.” 

It’s needier than he wants it to be and he clenches his jaw against it but it’s too late now, admitting to what he wants is hard. Painful. Todd doesn’t like feeling vulnerable in any way, and sometimes he wonders if this is too much. It’s Dirk though, it’s Dirk and he trusts him even past the discomfort of admitting that. He needs something from him he can’t get anywhere else and he wouldn’t want to if he could, there’s something to be said for knowing Dirk will give it to him without question. Sometimes it makes him feel unbearably selfish. 

Dirk knows this, he knows Dirk knows this, and like always he waits until Todd opens his eyes and looks at him before making any kind of movement to carry on. When he does, he’s met by a soft smile as Dirk’s hand creeps into his hair and tightens to hold him just the good side of painful, watching the way it makes Todd swallow against the heavy build of anticipation it brings with it, before he relaxes his grip completely and drops a kiss to his forehead. 

“You’re thinking bad things,” he says, as if it’s obvious and not something Todd works hard to keep under wraps, “stop it.” 

“I can’t just stop thinking things,” it’s enough to make him smile though, soft and fond as he watches him. Dirk hums his disagreement.

“Yes you can,” just like that, and Todd goes to argue but Dirk gets there first, “I can make you. If you’re sure,” Todd drops his gaze, the carpet to the left of him suddenly appearing very interesting because this part never comes easy. None of it comes too easily anyway but he’s getting better at most of it, the actual discussion part not so much. If he asks it tends to be impulsive like it had been just now, quick without thinking too hard. 

“I already-”

“I know what you said,” Dirk cuts him off, catching his jaw to redirect his gaze back to him, “but I need to know you mean it.” Right. Sometimes Todd forgets that it’s for his sake as much as it is for his own. 

“I mean it,” this works better than laying it all out in black and white anyway. Todd can admit to something easier when there’s plausible deniability for what he’s admitting to. It’s something he needs right now, but more than that it’s something he _wants,_ sometimes with such a desperate ferocity that it scares him to look too close. Dirk is already loosening his tie though and it makes his stomach flip, knowing what’s coming is just as anticipatory as not knowing he’s found out in these last months. 

“Come here then,” it’s inviting, a little teasing. They can’t get much closer really but Todd knows what he means, ducking his head when Dirk slips the tie off so he can loop it around Todd’s neck, making his toes curl with the implication. It’s is soft against his skin, still a little warm and not tied too tightly but tight enough that he can feel it every time he takes a breath. Dirk slips his fingers between the fabric and his skin, checking to make sure he’s left enough room and it’s a gesture that always manages to make Todd feel weak. They have an actual collar somewhere, purpose built that Todd had picked up in a rare surge of confidence that had dwindled by the time they got round to talking about it, he’d ended up passing it to Dirk without a word and not looking at him for the next ten minutes. He thinks they both prefer this though, it’s softer, more intimate, and there isn’t really any room left for wondering if Dirk really wants him like this when it’s something he treasures that’s wrapped around his throat. Like Todd might be something he treasures too, like he might think he’s worth it. Todd stops that train of thought before it can go much further, there are far too many emotions tied in with those ideas and he can’t handle them piled on top of the ones he has just from the feeling of the material Dirk has collared him with. 

“Mine now,” he says with a smile, eyes soft but still teasing. Todd wants to tell him always, that he’s always his, but he can’t find the words and it’s far too sentimental for him really, so he just nods his agreement. Dirk understands, wrapping a hand around the tie and using it to pull him into a kiss. 

“I should do this more often,” he says, humming happily against Todd’s mouth before they break apart. “I don’t wear enough ties to do this properly. Maybe I should start. I could have one as a belt, but that’s still only two and frankly it would look _awful_. Do you think anyone would believe me if I just kept them in my pockets and told them they were spares?” The rambling is familiar and soothing, Todd is thankful for it as Dirk lets him go to reach for the pile he’d brought through from the bedroom. Todd rolls his eyes fondly when he realises that they’re all varying complimentary shades of blue.

“I doubt anyone who’s met you would question it,” it’s not as biting as it usually would be, not like this, but carrying around extra ties wouldn’t be the weirdest thing Dirk has done by a long shot. 

“I suppose not,” he’s taking his time picking out which one he wants, Todd isn’t sure it matters, but he’s noticed that Dirk has preferences. “They can be terribly useful though, certainly wouldn’t hurt to have more of them to hand.” 

“Why would you need a surplus of ties?” it’s an attempt to distract himself, hoping to get a long and varied list of all the possible uses one could have for ties, but Dirk just grins wickedly when he turns him so he can sit behind him on the sofa, and Todd becomes very aware that distraction is unlikely. 

“Well,” he drags the word out, leaning in close enough to make the hairs on the back of Todd’s neck stand up, “sometimes you do this thing where I’m trying to think and you get all… _shouty_. I think an extra could come in useful.”

“You’re saying _I’m_ the mouthy one?” closer to his usual level of indignation which is just enough to make Dirk laugh, reaching out to take one of his hands and squeeze it gently before bringing it round to the small of his back.

“I’m _saying_ ,” he pauses pointedly, reaching for his other hand, “that you’re incredibly distracting and not at all conducive to making my thought processes run smoothly. Although now I think about it, having you tied up all prettily probably wouldn’t help with that.” Todd feels the way his cheeks turn pink at the idea that anything about him could be considered ‘pretty’. It doesn't escape Dirk’s notice, when he spots it he kisses the colouring happily, tapping his fingers against Todd’s wrists, “is this okay?” 

“I- Yeah. Yes, that’s… good,” he says it like it isn’t something he’s wanted since the tension started building in his shoulders days ago. 

“Alright, hold on a second,” Todd can picture the way Dirk holds his tongue between his teeth as he wraps the tie around his wrists, checking his knots carefully once they’re done. He keeps meaning to ask where Dirk even picked up such an extensive knowledge of knot tying tricks but it never seems to be the right time, especially not when the thoughts in his head are all starting to run into each other. 

“Wouldn’t it make more sense if I’d taken my shirt off first?” it’s the only thing clear enough to get out that isn’t a rush of things he never wants to admit to thinking, and it feels like a sensible question. 

“That’s _incredibly_ presumptuous of you, Todd.” Dirk teases, tugging at the binding to make sure his knots will hold. “I was thinking you could keep it on. However, I suppose if the mood takes me you _have_ made the incredibly thoughtful decision to give me the easy access option,” he pops the top button of Todd’s shirt open at the collar to prove his point. “I’m sure we’ll manage.” 

“Yeah,” he says distractedly as he tests the give of his hands, Todd can’t see him but he _knows_ Dirk is wearing his smug, satisfied face right now. 

The remnants are there when he moves back into his line of sight, picking out what Todd knows is one of his softer ties from previous experience, and watches his face carefully. Dirk reaches out, cupping his cheek and stroking his thumb along the skin there, Todd wishes he could help the way he leans into it. 

“Close your eyes for me?” There’s something comforting in the way Dirk phrases most of these things like questions, like he knows Todd will find it harder to do if there isn’t an obvious get out. It’s not that he doesn’t trust him, he knows Dirk would never do anything he said no to, but it’s easier to ignore that he’s following orders when they aren’t stated so bluntly. They’re working on it. 

He doesn’t do it straight away, taking some time to look Dirk over in a way that’s bordering on intense. Dirk had lost his jacket as soon as he walked in the door, having taken off his shoes at the same time, a clear sign that he had no intention of leaving for the rest of the day. He’d rolled his sleeves up just before he’d gone to make a cup of tea after lunch, (Todd knows because he’d been driven to distraction watching him do it,) and his shirt collar is open where he’s missing his tie which reminds Todd quite suddenly of where it is. Beyond that though he looks happy, comfortable, and Todd knows Dirk is best suited to the morning light but the evening warms him just as well. It makes him look sharper almost, and when Todd meets his gaze he finds that sharpness there too, alongside the playfulness that has him raising an eyebrow with a pointed, “well?” Todd _wants_ him. 

He drops his eyes immediately, clearing his throat as he feels the blush spread over his cheeks at being called out for his staring. “Sorry. I just- You look-” he shakes his head, nothing that comes to mind is anything he thinks he could actually say to Dirk, at least not as keyed up as he is right now. Dirk might get it out of him later if he manages to change that. “Sorry. Closing my eyes now,” it’s unnecessary to tell him that when he lets them slip closed a moment later but he needs to distract himself with something, and fidgeting his fingers where his hands are tied behind his back is only doing so much.

Even though he knows it’s coming Dirk’s touch still makes him jump, he’s nowhere near relaxed enough to not feel hyper aware with his eyes closed, but Dirk seems to have anticipated this and merely pets at his hair softly. 

“Still okay?” he hadn’t realised how quiet the room was until he speaks, quiet to match. 

“Yeah,” part of him wishes Dirk didn’t ask so much because it means he keeps having to admit to it, but he knows if he didn’t he’d struggle more with his own boundaries. Dirk asking makes him think about his answer, it gives him space to not just say yes for the hell of it, because if he says yes and he means no he’ll hurt Dirk too. He wants to get better at not hurting other people, it would just be a damn sight easier to do that if he could still hurt himself without it affecting anyone else. 

Then again, he _knows_ Dirk has some ideas about how he could deal with that masochistic desire of his. 

They just aren’t quite there yet. 

“It’s pale,” Dirk says, apropos of nothing, fingers still carding through Todd’s hair as he scrunches his brow in confusion.

“What?” if he wasn’t so distracted, he’d realise that distracting him is exactly what Dirk had been trying to do. As it is he’s mostly confused and Dirk is rather pleased with himself.

“The tie,” he clarifies, “it’s pale blue. I thought you might like to know.”

“...Okay?” it doesn’t clear anything up for Todd except that Dirk had definitely colour co-ordinated them. He’s not at all surprised. 

“It’s very complimentary. It’ll look good on you,” Dirk assures him. 

“Are you... going to put it on me then?” if Todd is feeling impatient he’s trying not to show it.

“Actually I was thinking about seeing how long I could get you to sit there with your eyes closed without asking what was going on,” he hums thoughtfully as he slips the soft fabric over Todd’s eyes, tying it off carefully at the back. “But it’s a good job I didn’t, I think it’d get boring quite fast.” 

Todd smiles at that, amused. “You think I’d just sit there without questioning it?” It’s a little disbelieving, like the thought of being so passive about something is funny to him. 

“I’m fairly confident in my ability to make you forget you were even doing it in the first place,” there’s no doubt in his voice at all, and even Todd doesn’t think he could come up with a good argument for that. Thankfully he doesn’t have to. “Too tight?” 

“I-” it takes him a second to catch up to what he means. “No. It’s good.”

“Excellent.” Todd lets out a squeak of surprise when there’s a sudden warm, wet pressure against his mouth and he realises Dirk is kissing him. He pulls away before Todd can properly kiss him back, following him a little as he goes. “And you _definitely_ can’t see anything so that’s all good. Now then,” Dirk sounds decisive, like he has a plan, and as much as that would scare Todd in any other circumstance, like this it just fills him with a warm spread of anticipation. 

Dirk catches his jaw, gentle but firm as he tilts his head back just enough for Todd to know if he had use of his eyes he’d be looking right at him. It makes him hunch his shoulders, knowing Dirk is looking him over and not knowing what he’s seeing when he does, he’d look away if he could, or bite at his nails, or find somewhere to hide. It’s too open, too vulnerable, he knows Dirk is watching him, that like this he could be thinking _anything_ and Todd wouldn’t have the first idea because all of Dirk’s thoughts tend to show on his face but Todd can’t _see_ his face and-

“Perfect,” it’s almost a sigh when he says it. Todd wants to argue when he realises that Dirk means him, but Dirk is busy dragging his thumb across Todd’s lower lip, pushing just the tip of it past his teeth and into his mouth like he’d pre-empted all of Todd’s arguments and decided he didn’t want to hear any of them. Todd protests the only way he can, closing his teeth around Dirk’s thumb and biting down just a little harder than what could be counted as gentle. 

Dirk clicks his tongue disapprovingly. It’s not exactly the reaction Todd had hoped for. “You know,” his tone is conversational as he pulls his thumb from his mouth, Todd makes a sound of protest at the loss, but Dirk just keeps dragging the wetness of it in a trail that leads over his chin and down his neck, coming to rest at the collar like a reminder. “That’s really not very nice.”

It’s nothing, it _should_ be nothing. Dirk says things like that all the time when Todd does things like throw paper airplanes at his head, but it feels like it means something different now, something more maybe. He swallows heavily against the heat that floods through him. 

“Then again, I really wouldn’t have you any other way,” he can hear the way Dirk smiles, ruffling his hair while he can’t do anything about it and Todd tilts his head to follow his voice when he moves, feeling his weight drop down onto the sofa next to him. “I probably should have gotten you to come here _before_ I tied you up,” he sighs, and Todd can’t help his smile. “Oh well, too late for that now I’m just going to have to get handsy.”

Todd snorts, “like _that’s_ such a hardship for you.” Dirk gasps dramatically, pretending to be offended as he nudges Todd to get him to move where he wants. 

“I’ll have you know I’m a perfect gentleman all of the time,” he insists, and Todd just knows he’s wiggling his eyebrows as he taps his thigh. “Come on, up and over.”

“Dirk, you’ve grabbed my ass twice already today.” It’s a bit of a struggle balance-wise to lift himself the way Dirk wants, but once he’s facing the right way Dirk steadies him with his hands on Todd’s hips. Between them they manage to not fall off the sofa, and eventually Todd settles into straddling Dirk’s lap. It’s not an unfamiliar position.

“Well, it’s so delightful I had to make sure I wasn’t just dreaming,” Dirk’s hands are creeping up the front of his shirt and it makes it difficult to focus on the conversation.

“You’re meant to pinch _yourself_ for that,” he manages, trying not to seem too proud of himself for not getting distracted by him.

“Oh, really?” he drags the words out innocently. _Suspiciously_. Todd finds out why when he pinches his nipple, making him gasp and arch forward. “I had no idea.”

“Right. Sure.” Dirk shouldn’t be able to scramble his head that easily, but it’s a lot harder to fight him when the only senses he has available to him right now are sound and touch, and Dirk is occupying them both.

“Nobody would ever believe you,” his voice is closer than he expected, and far lower than it had been before. Todd licks his lips, shuddering when he feels Dirk’s breath hot against his neck. He can feel his heart racing in his chest, any hope of being able to come up with an answer slips through his fingers as he tries to find something solid to focus on that isn’t the way he feels like he’s just caught _waiting_ for something. Dirk doesn’t leave him hanging for long. 

His breath was hot, but his tongue is hotter where it laves over his pulse point for a fraction of a second before he bites down. Todd’s whole body tenses, letting out a sharp cry that’s only partly surprise as his whole world narrows down to that single point of teeth, and tongue, and wet, hot suction that he knows is going to bruise. That he knows he’s going to be mad about in the morning. That, right now, just leaves him wanting _more_.

“ _Dirk_ ,” he sounds far needier than he has any right to this early in the game, but he can’t bring himself to care too much. Not when he wants so badly to dig his fingers into Dirk’s shoulders and cling to him, not when he’s left tugging ineffectually at his bindings instead. Not when Dirk lets up for a moment to move one hand to his waist to steady him, and wrap the fingers of the other into his hair to pull his head back before diving right back in. “ _Ah_ \- _fuck_ ,” his curses are short, bitten off, and Dirk lets out a breath of laughter against his throat. 

“Not right now, love.” Todd shudders, toes curling because he can’t do anything else and there’s no way the endearment wasn’t intentional when he knows how much Dirk delights in making a mess of him so easily. 

He doesn’t give him any time to dwell on it, abandoning his neck in favour of capturing his mouth in a searing kiss. Todd is clumsy with it for a moment, can’t quite work out where he is when he can’t see and it feels like he’s everywhere. Dirk slows down just enough for Todd to catch up, guiding him into it with gentle touches and as soon as he’s gotten the hang of it he curls his tongue into his mouth in a way that makes no pretense of being anything other than entirely filthy, and undoes Todd completely. 

There’s little thought in the way he grinds his hips down against Dirk, seeking more friction than he’s going to get through all the layers of fabric between them. He tries for it anyway, making desperate little noises in the back of his throat until eventually Dirk breaks away and drops his head to Todd’s shoulder, nuzzling his nose against his collarbone. 

“Sorry,” he says, and Todd can’t think of a single thing he has to be _sorry_ for. “I got a little carried away there.” It doesn’t really process that Dirk hadn’t planned on this until his hands grab firmly onto his hips and stop them in their tracks. Todd _whines_ , high pitched and needy but Dirk doesn’t let up, just presses gentle, apologetic kisses against his neck. 

“ _Dirk_ ,” Todd tries to grind down again, but he doesn’t have any leverage so it doesn’t really get him anywhere. He whines again, wiggles his hips a little with it. “ _Please_ ,” he doesn’t even care how it sounds, not if it gets him what he wants. Dirk thinks it’s lucky that he blindfolded him, because if Todd was looking at him right now there’s no way he’d be able to bring himself to say no. “I want- _fuck_ , Dirk, _please_.” He’s beginning to think he may have underestimated just how wound up Todd had been when they started this. 

“Shh,” he tells him instead, feeling the whine it gets him in response as he noses at his throat. “It’s okay, you’re okay, I’ve got you,” it’s this that seems to get through to him because Todd only struggles for a little longer before he slumps down against him, burying his face into the space where Dirk’s neck meets his shoulder. Dirk lets go of him to pet his hair as soon as he’s sure he’s not going to move, stroking his hand down the length of his back, feeling the way Todd's shoulders are shaking just a little and wondering if he's tearing up behind his blindfold. He's always so emotional.

“ _Good_ , that’s good,” he tells him, and the way it makes Todd shiver is never going to stop amazing him. One day he’s going to tie him down and tell him all the lovely things he should have heard by now. “You’re so good for me,” it’s testament to how far gone he is that Todd doesn’t even try to protest it. 

“You’re a dick.” Ah. Not too far gone then. 

“I’m doing you a favour,” he counters, pleased to see Todd isn’t _too_ put out by the turn of events. He does snort derisively though, like there’s no way that could possibly be true. “Well, if you want to come in your jeans then by all means go ahead, but we’re going to be here for a while and I meant it when I said I wasn’t undressing you.” 

There’s a rather long pause before Todd tries, “what if I undress myself?”

Dirk turns to press his smile into his hair. “If you can undress yourself with your hands tied behind your back while you can’t see, then I’ll make you come as many times as you like. It would be a _rather_ impressive feat,” part of him wonders if Todd could actually manage it, he does have a habit of constantly surprising him. 

“Shut up,” he huffs instead, but he doesn’t move from where he seems to be trying to burrow his way into Dirk. He’s glad Todd can’t see the fondness on his face as he goes back to petting his hair. 

“I could give you something else instead,” he offers, coaxing. 

Todd seems to assess that for a moment before asking with begrudging curiosity, “like what?”

“Ah, no, you see that’s not how it works. The answers are yes and no, and the question is do you want something else?” 

“How do I know if I want it if I don’t know what it is?” it’s snarky, but there’s a hint of insecurity underneath it that reminds Dirk that Todd still needs easing into this a lot of the time. 

“It’s something you’ve had before,” he tells him, because he’d rather reassure him than keep the game up completely, “it’s a distraction. You’ll like it.”

Todd worries his bottom lip for a moment, Dirk’s just about to tell him he doesn’t have to when he nods his head. “Okay.”

“Okay?” he can all but hear Todd rolling his eyes under his blindfold, finding himself smiling at the familiarity of his reactions. 

“ _Yes_ , I want something else. As long as it’s not something really weird.”

“How weird is really weird?” he asks, just to get a-

“ _Dirk_ ,” grinning at his predictability.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Is someone a little frustrated?” he teases, peeling Todd off of his chest and trying to get him to sit up on his own again. 

“If I had my hands free I’d strangle you,” he tells him conversationally as he finds his balance, wobbling a little in place before he settles into it. 

“Ooh, you’re _really_ getting into this,” it’s entirely worth it to see the way he blushes and stutters over his response, he hopes that never goes away even if he gets used to all of this. Once he’s sure Todd has his balance back he moves to tap his fingers against his mouth, seeing the moment Todd catches on and darts his tongue out over his lower lip. “Open up.” 

He doesn’t need much convincing, and Dirk is sliding two fingers into his mouth before he can even open it properly, pressing down on his tongue when Todd tries to swallow around them. It had been an early discovery that Todd is rather fond of having things in his mouth, one that isn’t so obvious in the day to day but had become unavoidable once he’d gotten him into bed, and one Dirk is more than happy to take advantage of. 

“Better?” he asks, but it’s not as casual as he’d meant it to be when he’s entirely too focused on Todd’s mouth, and with good reason. It’s almost like Todd is trying to show him what he’s missing out on by _not_ getting him off, because he knows full well that he’d be just as happy to just sit there with them in his mouth doing nothing. Instead Dirk is transfixed by the way his cheeks hollow out as he sucks on his fingers, ducking his head like he’s trying to get more and moaning around them when Dirk pushes them in further for him, until his palm is rested against his chin and he can rock his hand just enough to work them in and out of his mouth. Todd makes a helpless little sound in the back of his throat and flicks his tongue up between Dirk’s fingers. 

“Oh, bloody fucking _Christ_.” It’s obscene, is what it is. Todd’s mouth is warm and wet, lips pink and shiny as they work over him like he’s sucking on, _well_ , something else. Something perhaps more suited to this level of dedication. He keeps rolling his tongue in a motion Dirk knows all too well, watching his throat work as he swallows around him in a useless endeavour when he seems intent on leaving him absolutely dripping wet anyway. It’s certainly not doing anything to help calm the situation down like he’d hoped it might. Instead all it’s doing is making him think about all the other things they could be doing, the things they’ll be able to do when he can get Todd to relax into the idea properly. It’s not that he minds that they have to build up to it, getting to be the one who introduces Todd to not-so-boring sex is thrilling in its own right, but when Dirk thinks about all the things he _wants_ to do, all the things he knows Todd would love if he’d just let go a little more, it’s hard not to wish they were there already. 

Right now he’s torn between wanting to put Todd on his knees and give him what he clearly wants, and wanting to put him _over_ his knee for being such a little-

He pulls his fingers away suddenly, leaving Todd to try and chase after them a moment, mouth hanging open and wet as he pants for breath. 

“Okay?” he asks, it’s the only thing he can think to ask. He needs a moment to sort his thoughts out, because there’s a lot he can do right now, but there’s more that Todd _could_ let him do at some point and honestly the thought of it is a little overwhelming. Particularly like this. 

“I _was_ ,” he manages, somehow, to sound both wrecked and indignant all at once. “Give them back.” 

Dirk can’t help it, he drops his head to Todd’s shoulder with a breath of laughter. “I’ve created a _monster_ ,” he mumbles into the fabric of Todd’s shirt.

“ _Dirk_ ,” he’s pretty sure it’s meant to sound demanding, but if anything it just sounds whiny. He almost hates that he finds it endearing. 

“Yes, dear?” he presses his lips against the bruise he’d left earlier just to feel the way his breath shudders. Unexpected to both of them the endearment has his hips jerking forwards too, somehow Dirk had managed to forget about that particular _situation_ , but with this new development he finds himself glad for the reminder.

He waits for a long moment, thinking it over as he watches the way Todd is trying to to squirm under the scrutiny. It's the way he whimpers when he traces tiny circles into his hips with his thumbs that decides it.

“ _Sweetheart_ ,” he tries softly, nosing his way up Todd’s neck to press a kiss next to his ear, feeling him go tense in his lap. Alert. Dirk leaves him hanging for a while, enjoying the way his chest keeps hitching in anticipation, before he whispers a soft, “ _darling.”_ This time Todd’s whole body jerks, breath catching in his throat in a way that he knows means tears. He presses a gentle kiss just below the edge of the blindfold, brushing them away even if none of them have escaped yet.

“ _Dirk_ , I-” it comes out strangled, like he’d forgotten he could even say anything until now. 

“ _Angel_ ,” he doesn’t give him room to argue, more just dragging his mouth over his skin than actually kissing at this point, pressing the words into him as he whimpers in response. “ _Baby_ ,” Todd is rocking down into him, short, sharp little movements that match his breath but feel like he’s trying to stop himself. Dirk reaches out to grab at his hips and drag him in closer, gaining a startled little yelp from Todd. 

“ _Sorry_ , sorry,” he laughs, rubbing his nose into his hair to reassure him. “You were too far away,” it’s quiet, apologetic, and enough to make Todd relax into him.

“Felt close,” his voice is soft, small in a way that tells Dirk he’s stopped thinking too much about it. He wants to keep it that way. 

“Did you?” he teases, working his fingers into Todd’s hair and keeping him close. 

“Not _me_ , just… you. _This_. Sorry,” he goes to shake his head and Dirk tightens his grip to stop him. 

“Why are you sorry?” he bumps their noses together in warning before he steals a soft kiss from him, “was it bad?”

“ _No!_ No, _god_ no,” he trips over the repetition like he wants to make sure he knows he doesn’t mean that at all. “It’s just… you know.”

Dirk loosens his hold to go back to petting him. “Hmm, tell me anyway?”

Todd squirms, blush rising back to his cheeks as he ducks his head and shrugs. “It’s- you know… it’s just…” Dirk waits him out, stroking a thumb over the back of his neck in a way he hopes is reassuring. Todd still feels tense. “It’s… I _liked_ it.”

Dirk gets a rush of something like pride, paired with a sudden urge to beat the hell out of whatever part of Todd’s brain made him say it like it's something to be ashamed of. Well, at least give it a stern talking to. 

“ _Good_ ,” he hooks his fingers under the edge of the collar he’s made out of his tie and tugs him into a firm kiss, leaving little room for argument. “Believe it or not Todd, that’s rather the point.”

“I know,” he sighs. “I _know_. But it shouldn’t feel- Not _that_ good,” he swallows uncomfortably. “Not when I’m-”

“If the next words out of your mouth aren’t going to be _absolutely perfect_ then I don’t want to hear them.” He doesn’t get stern with Todd, not like this anyway. It’s nothing they’ve talked about and certainly not anything they’ve agreed on, but he really doesn’t have it in him to react any other way. Todd doesn’t say anything, and he can see the tension in his jaw where he’s keeping it clamped shut. 

He sighs, pressing an apologetic kiss to his cheek, brushing away the few tears that had escaped with the pad of his thumb. 

“Can I try something? You can say no,” he asks, backtracking a little, squeezing Todd’s thigh. “Will you let me gag you?” it’s something they’ve only tried a handful of times before now, but it’s always gone down well. It’s not something he wants to do that often while they’re still working this out, having a constant stream of feedback tends to help with that. 

“Why?” it sounds curious, rather than suspicious or accusatory. Like Dirk’s answer will affect his. 

“Because…” he tries to think of the best way to explain it, something that isn’t condescending and won’t scare him off. “I think it will help you stop thinking bad things if you know you can’t say them anyway.” 

Todd licks his lips, hesitant when he asks, “and because you want to… talk more?”

“I’d find a way to talk either way, you know that,” he smiles, “but yes. You like it, I like it. It seems like a good thing to me.” There are a number of times when both of them liking something had worked out badly, in bed had never been one of them.

“Okay. Just- you like it?” if he didn’t sound so earnestly concerned that the answer would be no Dirk would have laughed. 

“I like everything about you,” he promises. “Well, except when you try and drag me out of bed in the morning.”

Todd relaxes, huffing out a laugh. “Yeah, well. If you got out of bed on your own I wouldn’t have to.”

“Hm. I’m going to gag you now,” and it’s far easier like this, when things are lighter between them. He wants to tell Todd how proud of him he is, he just has to wait until he can’t argue to do it. 

Fortunately, he thinks as he picks out another tie, that won’t take long. 

He spends a moment debating before he settles on a dark navy blue, running the fabric through his fingers and pulling Todd into a kiss. This time it's slower than the last, drawn out and pressing. It’s easier like this to impress on Todd just how much he cares about him than it is to tell him, he has a tendency to argue or find a way to write it off and neither of those things are things Dirk wants to see happen now. He knows what it means that Todd trusts him to do this, knows that it isn’t something he finds easy to give, and he wants him to know above all else that this is something that’s safe with him. He wants to be deserving of the amount of faith Todd puts in him. 

The room is quiet when they finally pull apart, like something has settled around them. Dirk is loathe to break it, so he keeps his touches gentle when he runs his thumb along Todd’s lower lip reverently. Todd opens his mouth before Dirk can even ask, and he lets out a shaky breath when it hits home how willing he is to do this with him, how much he wants this. Sometimes Dirk can’t quite believe that of all the people Todd could have chosen to entrust this to he’d chosen him, when he drops his hand to smooth his fingers over his tie around Todd’s neck is as much a reminder for himself as it is anything else.

“You're so good,” he whispers into the quiet around them. Todd's breath hitches but he doesn't say anything, he's relaxed into it at this point, any residual tension in his shoulders is down to anticipation rather than stress. Dirk likes him like this. 

Gagging him is easy, tying off the fabric at the back of his head and watching the way Todd sits up a little straighter for it, smoothing his hands slowly up his thighs where he's still sitting across him. It's as reassuring as it is teasing, drawing his hands back down just before he gets to where Todd wants them and repeating the motion casually. They're a lot closer like this though, and Dirk can't pretend he's less affected by this than Todd is, especially when he rocks his hips down and they both find themselves gasping at the contact.

“You're a menace,” he tells him, walking his fingers back up Todd's thighs. “None of this was supposed to happen, I had a plan you know. It involved tea and cuddles and _reading_ , it was all quite sweet and innocent really and now look at us.” Not that he's really complaining, it's very hard to sound put out with the way Todd squirms in his lap when he drags the knuckles of his hand ever so lightly over the outline of his hardness through his jeans.

“Honestly Todd, you could have at least tried to go along with it, but now it wouldn't even work because my tea is cold. My tea is cold and I don't even _care_. You've corrupted me.” Todd makes a sound of protest, but his voice is muffled and whatever he's trying to say gets lost in the fabric. Dirk grins, “I have no idea what you're saying so I'm just going to assume you're agreeing with me. I know you wouldn't _dream_ of arguing,” hands going to undo his belt buckle which seems to appease Todd enough to stop him from trying to argue any further. It's a point of pride for Dirk that he's managed to find something that will overrule Todd's instinct to fight just about everything, even if he's not surprised that it turned out to be the promise of something better that did it.

“I suppose this works as well though,” he concedes, getting his jeans undone but making no move to do anything else, much to Todd’s annoyance. Even if he can’t see or speak his eyebrows give him away, it’s just another thing Dirk finds himself looking for on a daily basis, another thing that means he knows him better than he’s ever known anyone before. “I love you,” he tells him, easy and simple and watching the way his expression softens at the confession. Watching the way it makes it so easy to take him by surprise when he pushes the rest of the fabric out of the way and wraps a hand around his cock. 

Todd lets out a keening sound, a mix of shock and pleasure, and Dirk twists his hand just to see what other sounds he can wring out of him. It’s not hard, Todd is loud when he forgets where he is, when he doesn’t feel like he _has_ to keep quiet, and Dirk delights in every soft little sigh or clipped off moan as he works his hand over him. 

“You sound so pretty,” the blush spills over his face almost immediately, like Todd’s suddenly remembering Dirk can hear him and shying away from it, curling in on himself a little. “No, _no_ , I want to hear you,” he’s nosing in against Todd’s throat, pressing gentle kisses to the skin there. “I always want to hear you. When you’re shouting, or swearing, or complaining… _mostly_ complaining if we’re being honest, but that’s not a bad thing! I like other things as well, when you laugh, or when you play guitar, or when you think I’m not home and you start singing,” Todd’s breath is coming in shorter now and it’s hard to tell if it’s from the words or the way Dirk is jerking him off slowly, just enough to be more than teasing. “I like it when you ask me for things, you can _always_ ask me for things, anything you want,” the words are so soft like this, when they’re pressed so close together and they don’t need to listen to anything other than each other. “You’re so wonderful, you’re so _perfect_ Todd, I wish you could see yourself.”

Todd whines high in his throat, shaking his head like he might change Dirk's mind that way. Dirk just tightens his hand around him, running the very tip of his thumb up the underside of his cock. 

"This is why I wait to tell you these things," he laughs, warm against his skin. Todd loses any argument he has to a wave of his own pleasure. It doesn't seem to phase Dirk, "like that you’re so pretty, that you try so hard. Like that you're always trying to look after everyone, and that I'm so proud of you and I'm so lucky to have you and that you're so..."

He licks his lips softy, nervously, because he _knows_ this is something Todd likes, he’s too observant to not have noticed, but he’s never really tried it like this before and it’s the last thing he wants to backfire. Dirk pulls back just enough to watch his face carefully, noting the way his cheeks are wet and he's swallowing down against the sobs that get caught in his throat, swiping his thumb over the head of Todd’s cock and listening to him whimper. 

“You’re so _good_ ,” he whispers, “Todd, _sweetheart_ , you’re so good for me.” He makes a strangled little moan, hips hitching forward to rut into Dirk’s hand and there’s no way that’s a reaction he’s going to turn down. Instead he tightens his grip, giving him more to work with and sliding his hand down every time Todd rocks forward until he’s working with his rhythm as best he can. 

“That’s it,” and god, he’s so hard himself but he can barely think about that right now, not when his heart is racing not just in case this goes wrong, but in case it goes so, perfectly _right._ He knows by now how to tell when Todd is getting close, and really with the time it’s taken to get to this point he’s not surprised it’s fairly quickly once Dirk had actually gotten his hands on him. 

“Just a little more, _just like that_ ,” Dirk is on the verge of losing his own ability to get his words out, but he isn’t going to have to manage it for much longer. Not when Todd is starting to lose his rhythm, using his whole body to rock into him and so completely lost in chasing down that single point of pleasure Dirk manages to catch him completely off guard when he hooks two fingers under his collar and leans in close enough to whisper, “ _such a good boy_ ,” hot and heavy against his ear. 

Todd’s whole body tenses and he comes with a startled cry, muffled by the fabric in his mouth but delightful nonetheless, toes curling where they’re folded under his thighs as he rides it out. Dirk watches all of it closely, wishing he’d had the foresight to take off the blindfold so he could have watched the way his eyes inevitably blew wide open when he came. Oh well, there’s always next time. 

Right now though he just holds Todd still for a moment, giving him chance to catch his breath before he tries to make either of them do anything, winding his fingers into his hair and petting them absently over the back of his neck, stroking just under the edge of his collar. Todd is crying, he can feel it, and he shushes him as he presses gentle kisses to his cheeks, whispering little reassurances just under his breath until he relaxes into his hold.

He doesn’t leave it too long before he moves to where the gag is tied at the back of his head, picking the knots apart and hooking a finger in to pull it out of his mouth. Todd makes a vague sound of protest but doesn’t try to stop him which is good, Dirk wants to keep him in this headspace as long as he can manage.

“You made a mess,” he tells him, whisper soft and pressed into his hair which is sweat-damp and curling at the edges. He's not lying, there's come on both of their shirts which he knows Todd will complain about later, but he managed to catch most of it. He pulls his head back by his hair, just enough force to move him but not enough to hurt, and brings his hand up to his mouth, resting his fingers on his lower lip. Todd whimpers, shifting a little in place and Dirk feels something hot and heavy in his stomach when he realises Todd is _waiting_. 

“ _Shit_ ,” he can't help it, and he deserves to hear it really, just how much he wants him. He lets him wait it out a little longer before he can't manage it anymore, shaking his head when he relents with a soft, “go on then.”

Todd wastes no time in moving to lick his way across Dirk’s palm, tongue curling around his fingers in a way that makes his toes curl as he cleans him off. There's something about him now, something raw and hungry about the way he moves and a complete lack of shame in showing how much he likes it, how much he _wants_ it. He's beautiful like this, he thinks. Messy and needy and wanting. He can't quite believe he's lucky enough to be the only one who gets to see it. 

Todd makes a disappointed sound when he's all but finished, lapping at his fingers like he might find something more and he feels like he could just watch him doing this for a very long time. Dirk can _give_ him something more though, and he steadies his hands on Todd's hips, rocking up against him so he can feel how hard he is as he kisses him, open and messy. 

“That's you,” he promises, sweet against his mouth, pressing in closer when he whines in response. “ _God_ , Todd, it's all because of you,” he never wants him to have any reason to doubt the effect he has on him, especially when he gets shy about liking it so easily. Dirk wants him to know he likes it too. He rests their heads together when they pull apart, watching Todd’s chest rise and fall as he catches his breath. 

“I want-” he swallows, sounding uncertain and Dirk wraps the end of his tie around his hand, pulling it tight as a reminder, hoping it will help ground him. 

“What do you want?” Todd asking for things, or at least being open to wanting something at all, is still fairly rare. It's something Dirk always wants to encourage though, and when Todd is like this he’s more forthcoming. He just has to coax it out of him.

“I…” he shakes his head and sits up a little straighter, like he’s readying himself for something, but when he speaks it’s still nervous. “I want you to come, I want… I want to make you come,” Dirk is fairly sure the words shouldn't make a fond warmth unfurl in his chest, but they do anyway. He waits while Todd bites at his lip, flushed red and wet and Dirk wants to kiss him but he wants him to finish first. “Can I blow you?” 

It takes a lot of effort not to laugh. He reigns it in, because he knows Todd would think the worst if he did. It's just at how uncertain he sounds, as if Dirk might actually say _no_ , as if he has the willpower to turn him down. Still, they're doing a _thing_ , and he's allowed to tease. He likes Todd's reactions too much not to.

“You want to get on your knees for me?” he asks, voice rough with how much he wants that too, especially when the question makes Todd's breath hitch, tongue darting out to wet his lower lip. They've gotten close to that conversation a few times, it hasn't come around yet but Dirk has an idea forming about what it is Todd wants to ask for when he works up the courage. It doesn’t mean he can’t make the suggestion for him in the meantime.

“Yeah,” he admits after a long moment, ducking his head almost shy as he fidgets his fingers behind his back. Dirk smiles to himself, shaking his head as he tips Todd’s face back up.

“You thought I'd say no to that?” it's curious, but mostly amused and this time Todd smiles even when he flushes. Dirk calls it a win.

“I… maybe?” there's laughter in his voice, at himself but not derisive and Dirk kisses him because he's happy and he can. 

“We’re not _quite_ at that point yet,” he teases, bumping their noses together. 

Todd hums, playful and intrigued. “What point is that?”

“Oh, you know,” he shrugs, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “The one where I make you beg for things just to make sure you want them enough.” 

He feels the way Todd tenses, inhaling sharply as the playfulness disappears and he worries for a moment that he's gone too far too quickly. But then his shoulders soften as he drops his head down, a submissive gesture that tells Dirk whatever he does next is going to wreck him, he’s already feeling close to ruined at the sight of it. Whether he knows it or not, Todd has more power in these situations than Dirk ever will, because when he's open and soft and trusting like this Dirk wants to give him everything.

“ _Please_ ,” it’s a little hesitant, like he had to build himself up to it, but so completely sincere that it knocks the air right out of him. He knows, he _must_ know how much Dirk likes hearing him like this. How many plans he has for when they're comfortable enough that involve working him down until begging is the only thing he can manage to do. Just because he has every intention of giving him what he wants, it doesn't mean he doesn't like hearing him ask for it, doesn't like knowing how much he wants it. Todd must _know_. “Can I?” despite how earnest he is he manages to sound more put together than Dirk feels right now, and he can only put it down to the fact that Todd came already. “Please,” Dirk is so, _so_ grateful Todd can’t look at him right now, knowing the look that accompanies that tone is bad enough. “Let me blow you?” 

Part of Dirk wants to play along, wants to tell him no, or make him wait, but he's done waiting and his limited patience isn't going to last through this when he's already too turned on to think properly. It makes him just a little harsher, not inconsiderate by a long stretch, but perhaps a little more selfish. “I'm not giving you your hands back,” he tells him, there's room for Todd to say no even like this, but Dirk already knows he isn't going to. “If you want to suck me off so badly you can do it properly.”

There’s something interesting that happens when he gets a little more, for lack of a better word, _bossy_ with Todd like this and it’s no different this time. A change in the way he holds himself maybe, a little more anticipation and the suggestion that for once, he might just do as he’s told. He might like it. It’s another thing he files away for later, he likes keeping track of what he reacts well to for future discussions and gains a strange sense of satisfaction from being able to tick things he’s noticed off of his mental list when Todd finally brings them up, even if sometimes it can be difficult not to just act on it. He wants him to enjoy himself as much as possible. 

Todd is holding himself quite still though, more engaged now, and he softens it by pressing a kiss to his forehead, brushing his hair off of his face. “You're wonderful,” he sighs softly, Todd flushes darker and Dirk seriously considers taking his shirt off so he can watch it spread. “Do you want to keep the blindfold?” 

“I think I'd rather see you?” he says it like a question and then shakes his head. “I mean, I can keep it. It's just- if I can't say anything and I can't stop you- I trust you! It's not that. It just might be… easier without it,” he finishes lamely. Dirk doesn't like how he sounds like he thinks he's disappointed him.

“You don't have to justify yourself,” it's closer to comforting than chastising but he still wants to be clear. “I asked you a yes or no question, you said no. You can _always_ say no.” Todd shifts a little uncomfortably.

“What if you want me to say yes?” Dirk doesn’t say anything for a moment, just works the knot loose and pulls the tie away, watching as Todd blinks his eyes open slowly and adjusts to the light.

“I want you to be happy, and safe, and enjoying yourself, if saying yes means you aren't all of those things then I don't want you to say yes.” Todd watches him for a long moment before he nods his agreement, and Dirk breathes a mental sigh of relief. “Besides,” he says, smiling as he runs his thumb across his cheek, “it's not like being able to see your pretty blue eyes is a _hardship_.”

Todd ducks his head, but he catches the smile that flashes briefly over his face before it disappears, it’s sweet. He’s softer like this, when he has his defenses down and Dirk loves how much more open it makes him. Sometimes it just makes him want to take him further, see how far he can go. 

“Do you want me to get you off or are you just going to stare at me?” he doesn’t manage to make it sound anything other than shy, and if Dirk was any less worked up he might just sit and watch him a little longer. He can watch him doing something else just as easily though.

“If I recall correctly it was _you_ who wanted to get me off,” Todd’s eyes dart away, down to the side like it means he won’t have to acknowledge it. He watches carefully, waiting until Todd glances back to him and holds his gaze. “Ask me again.”

He knows he feels more vulnerable like this, when he can see the way Dirk responds to him. The blindfold helps get him out of his own head, but he’s still riding that wave and Dirk is willing to push a little more for it. Todd looks at him like he’s trying to work out where he’s going with it, but there’s want there too. A desire to please that sets something simmering low in Dirk’s stomach when he sees it. 

He watches as he wets his lips, following the path of his tongue and it’s so much harder to restrain himself when he knows perfectly well how good his mouth feels. But then Todd swallows, looks up at him through his lashes and asks, “let me make you come?” 

It’s _more_ than worth it. 

“ _Yes_ ,” he says immediately, dropping all pretenses of being remotely in control of himself and pulling Todd in for a kiss. “God, you’re _perfect._ ” Todd doesn’t even protest, letting Dirk steady him enough to get down to his knees without the use of his hands. It’s a bit of a struggle, but significantly easier than climbing up was and soon enough Todd is kneeling between Dirk’s spread legs, watching him as he works his pants down past his hips impatiently. 

“If I had my hands…” Todd says, somehow managing to look innocent as anything. Dirk isn’t buying it. 

“I don’t need your hands,” proving himself right when he _finally_ gets everything down past his knees. It’s more effort than it should be. “Just your mouth.”

Todd’s eyes darken, and it’s a wonderful thing to see. If Dirk wasn’t halfway out of his mind right now and they’d agreed on it beforehand he might have taken a picture, as it is he can only stare as Todd moves in to give him just that. 

“ _Oh_ ,” it’s like he hadn’t realised just how far gone he was until Todd brushed his lips against the base of his cock, lingering there for a moment before working his way up to the tip in a line of wet, open mouthed kisses that seem to have no other purpose than driving him completely insane. He stays just long enough to suck lightly on the head, before pulling off to lick a long, broad stripe up the underside, meeting Dirk’s eyes with a _look_ that tells him he knows _exactly_ what he’s doing. 

Dirk reaches out and takes a handful of his hair, pulling him back by it just hard enough to make him gasp.

“You’re being a _tease_ ,” it would sound more like a reprimand if the teasing wasn’t working. Instead he just sounds far too breathless and Todd looks _far_ too pleased with himself. 

“Am I?” Dirk is too far gone for this right now, and he tightens his grip just a little as he narrows his eyes at him. 

“Do you want to get me off? Of do you want me to get _myself_ off while you watch?” Todd looks conflicted for a moment, and Dirk is willing to bet it’s something he’d usually be down for seeing but given the way he’d thrown his dignity out of the window not five minutes ago to beg him to do this he’s pretty sure he knows the answer already. 

“I want to get you off,” as certain as he’d been Dirk is still thankful that’s the answer. Todd shifts a little on his knees. “Please?”

He watches him for a moment longer, before he nods his agreement and lets him go. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Todd wastes no time in getting his mouth on him, and the head spinning feeling of being wrapped in that soft, wet, heat has him reaching to bury his hands in Todd’s hair all over again. He doesn’t pull him off this time though, doesn’t try to guide him anywhere, just lets him drag him closer and closer to the edge with every bob of his head. 

“You’re- _fuck_ Todd, you’re so perfect I-” he always ends up running his mouth like this, endless streams of praise and curses broken by all the sounds Todd manages to wring out of him. “So _good_ ,” Todd doesn’t seem to mind though, if the way he moans at the praise is anything to go by, eyes fluttering shut as he presses to take him in a little further and leaving Dirk gasping when he swallows around him. “ _God_ , that’s- so good, _you’re_ so good, you’re so-” he’s well aware he needs to keep at least _some_ level of control over himself when Todd is like this, trusting him to be careful, but he can’t help the way he tightens his grip to hold him there just for a second when he swallows him all the way down, choking out something that might be his name but it’s impossible to tell.

When he lets up Todd pulls off to breathe and Dirk whines at the loss. 

“You can-” Todd swallows, panting for breath as he leans into his touch, face flushed red for more reason than one. “I trust you.” 

Dirk stares wordlessly, feeling the weight of that trust as heavily as Todd’s gaze as he takes him back into his mouth. He knows what he means, what he _wants_ even if it feels almost selfish to do it. There’s nothing in Todd’s eyes that suggests he feels the same though, and the way he moans when Dirk readjusts his hold on his hair and rocks up ever so slightly into his mouth to test the waters leaves no room for doubt.

“ _Shit_ ,” it comes out on a shaky breath, he’s not holding tightly enough to stop him moving altogether but this time when Todd slides down Dirk moves up to meet him and the sound it pulls out of him is low and broken in a way Todd echoes with a breathless whimper not a moment later. 

It’s all the confirmation he needs, and all thoughts of _shouldn’t_ leave his mind when Todd is so _willing_ and fuck Dirk has no idea how he ever managed to get this _lucky_ but he’s not about to waste it. He chases his pleasure down mindlessly, telling Todd all sorts of things about how good he is, how perfect, how he’d never want anyone else. Reveling in the fact that _somehow_ Todd is enjoying this just as much as he is, hollowing his cheeks out eagerly and working his tongue against him whenever he gets the chance like he’s desperately chasing the same thing Dirk is. 

It’s _transcendent_. 

It doesn’t last long though, not like this. He barely gets any chance to give Todd a warning, just about managing to let go of his hair before he’s coming, Todd’s name on his lips and buried half way into his mouth as he swallows around him. 

“Fucking _hell_ ,” he pries his eyes open just so he can look down at Todd where he’s kneeling on the floor, the rise and fall of his chest as he pants for breath, mouth hanging open and red with a stray drop of come smeared at the edge that makes Dirk want to laugh hysterically because _fuck_. “I love you,” it seems like the only thing he _can_ say right now, and he wonders if maybe it would usually be a cheap thing to say in this situation but there’s nothing else that comes to mind as he watches Todd looking up at him like he’s waiting to be told he did a good job. 

The declaration makes him smile, just a little but pleased all the same as he leans over to rest his head on Dirk’s thigh, hiding his face and nuzzling in there a little like he might actually be considering taking a nap. He moves to pet his hair softly, tracing gentle fingers over his cheekbone like he can’t quite believe that he’s real. 

“You’re such a good boy,” he tells him, warm and full of praise, watching the way Todd’s eyes slip shut as he presses his head into his hand. Dirk smiles fondly, scratching at his scalp and pulling a pleased hum from him. “But you can’t stay there forever.”

“Jus’ for now,” and he really _is_ out of it, soft and pliant and Dirk _knows_ how lucky he is that he trusts him enough to let him take him this far. 

“One more minute,” he decides, voice gentle. “And then we’re moving.”

“Don’ wanna,” it’s adorable by anyone’s book, and Dirk just laughs softly, brushing his hair back off his face. 

“I know, and I’d be happy to let you stay down there all night if you liked,” or forever, really. “But we need to untie you and get you some water, at _least_ ,” Todd makes a sound of protest, clearly not thinking this is a good enough reason. “And I want to cuddle you, and give you kisses, and I can’t do that when you’re down there.”

He’s quiet for a few moments, thinking this over before he opens one eye to look up at him contemplative and shy. “Can I keep the collar?”

Dirk traces the outline of his ear, following it down to where his tie still sits around his throat. “You can keep the collar,” he agrees, more than happy to make that deal. 

“Can I have coffee?”

“You can have _tea_ ,” Todd makes a wounded noise and Dirk rolls his eyes at his dramatics. “You’ll never sleep with that much caffeine,” the whole point of this had been to wind him down, Dirk wants him to stay like that for as long as possible and he’s fairly sure any chance of a good night's sleep will be ruined if he has coffee now. 

“I don't like tea. Cocoa?” he bargains instead, eyes wide and hopeful as he looks up at him. His heart jumps in his chest. 

“Alright,” he concedes. “Anything else?” Todd just shakes his head and Dirk smiles to himself. “Come on then, up you get.”

“One more minute,” he’ll never tire of how he is when he’s like this, but sometimes the softness makes him difficult too. 

“No, _now_ ,” he’s firm but gentle with it, just enough of a push to make Todd groan and let himself be helped unsteadily to his feet. He’s pouting, barely, but it’s there, and when they’re both standing Dirk leans in to kiss it off of his mouth. “Stop that,” he teases, “be a good boy and turn around for me.” 

Todd is always receptive to praise but like this it’s so much easier to see. The way it makes his eyes blow wider, tongue darting out to wet his lips and toes curling into the carpet before he moves to do as he’s told. Dirk steps forward, pressing himself in a long line down his back and tilting his head to kiss his neck. 

“Perfect. Thank you,” he moves back just enough to see what he’s doing as he picks apart the knots that hold Todd’s hands together, tossing the tie aside once it’s undone to be dealt with later. “How do they feel?”

“Tingly,” Todd hums, shaking them a little to get the blood flowing. “Not too bad.”

“Alright,” he smooths his hands down his arms, massaging the marks left behind just to make sure. “Do you want to stay with me while I get things from the kitchen, or do you want to lie down and wait for me?” giving him the option because he knows his emotions are volatile right now, he might be down but he’s still vulnerable, and being left alone isn’t always good like this. They’d found that out the hard way. 

“Stay with you,” it’s what he’d been expecting, and he kisses his cheek again before taking Todd’s hand and leading him through to the kitchen.

“Up here, please,” he says, tapping the countertop and smiling as Todd hops up to sit there, he pours out a glass of water and hands it to him. “Slowly.”

“Thanks,” he smiles, flushing the way he does when Dirk makes it obvious that he’s taking care of him. He wishes Todd would be more accepting of him doing that at other times, but he’s more than happy to pile it on him now. 

Todd has _feelings_ about cocoa and how it should be made, but Dirk finds his way needlessly complicated and always messes it up so he sticks it in the microwave instead as he sets about making tea for himself. It’s quicker anyway. 

“Bedtime. Or, well, bed _room_ time. Not that we _aren’t_ going to sleep at some point, just not quite yet.” He has his hands full, so he tips his head towards the door to indicate Todd go first and follows behind him. Ideally, he thinks, he’s have a third hand so he could hold his hand at all times, but it’s not a long walk to the bedroom and soon enough he’s setting the mugs down on the side table and pulling Todd back to him. 

“How are you feeling?” because he can make guesses, but he always likes to check in, particularly when he knows Todd is less inclined to speak up about things like this. 

“Good,” he sighs, “a little achey. A bit…” he shrugs, uncertain. “Distant. It’s _good_. Kinda like... spaced out. Quiet.”

Dirk kisses his forehead, keeping him close. “Okay. What do you need?”

“Just…” he shifts a little on his feet, reaching out to slot their fingers together. “I just need grounding so I don’t…”

“Get stuck in your head?” that had happened before too, and while Dirk isn’t thankful for the experiences themselves he’s glad it means they know to look out for it now. 

“Yeah,” he nods, hiding his face in Dirk’s shoulder. “Touch is good. You… you’re good. I want…” Dirk gives him time, because he knows Todd struggles at the best of times to get his words out but it takes more effort like this when he doesn’t want to do anything other than take advantage of how easy it is not to think about anything too much. “I need you to just… remind me it’s not bad.”

It’s bittersweet. He hates the idea that Todd still feels guilty and uncertain and whatever else it is that makes him so hesitant around his own desires, but asking for help with that is a step and it’s one Dirk is _more_ than happy to see him take. 

“I’m so proud of you,” he wishes he had more words to convey how overwhelming that feeling is because Todd deserves to _know_ , but all he can do instead is pull him into another kiss, sweet and happy. “You’re so brave, and you’ve done so well.”

Todd is smiling, bashful and flushed, but he rests his hand on Dirk’s chest all the same. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he promises, bumping their noses together. “Lets get you out of these clothes, hm? I believe I promised cuddles.”

“And we have to be naked for that?”

“Well _no_ , but it seems better than being dressed, doesn’t it?” he’s already working open the buttons on Todd’s shirt, and he makes no room to stop him as he works it off him, pressing butterfly kisses over his shoulders and smiling when it makes him laugh a little. “Can you manage the rest?” 

It doesn’t take long for them both to strip down, and he nudges Todd towards the bed until he climbs in with minimal protest and Dirk hands his mug over to him, lifting up the covers to slide in alongside him with his own. Todd immediately curls into his side and he tries not to feel _too_ proud about it, sighing happily as he rests his head on top of his. 

“Thank you,” his voice is small, hesitant as he breaks the silence and Dirk just drops a reassuring kiss into his hair.

“What for?”

“I… all of it, I guess. Looking after me, pushing me when I need it, _knowing_ when I need it. It’s…” he shakes his head. “You’re good for me. Like, _really_ good for me. And I know that I’m… difficult, and I get weird about this sometimes, but you never… I don’t know. Just. Thanks.”

“You do know I _want_ to do all of that, don’t you? I mean, I _like_ doing it for you but I _definitely_ get something out of it, it’s for me too,” he hopes he knows that anyway, he’d thought that much was obvious. 

“I know. But you’re always telling me… nice things. And I know that’s like, a _thing_ , but I want you to know you’re good for me too. I wouldn’t… not for anyone else. And it’s not because- It _is_ because I trust you, but you _earned_ that trust. You’re just- I don’t want you to think I don’t know how much effort you put into this because you can make it look easy,” and Dirk _does_ make it look easy a lot of the time. He doesn’t know how, but he does. “I guess I’m… I’m doing this for you as well. I know you don’t want to push me, but if there are things you want to ask me for, even if you don’t think I’ll want them, I want to know.”

“I…” there’s a lot there and he doesn’t know how to respond to it all. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to say yes just because I’m asking,” because he knows it’s a risk, and he never wants to get into a situation like that because he doesn’t think they’d recover from it. 

“I won’t. I might not… I might not be great at explaining why not, but I won’t say yes if I really don’t want to. But… I want to give you things that you want, because you deserve them, and I trust you to make it good for both of us,” his voice is soft, little more than a whisper in the space between them because this kind of thing doesn’t come easily to him at all, but he’s been thinking of how to say it for a long time. It seemed as good of a time as any. “You hold back with me sometimes, I know you do. I don’t want you to.”

“Todd…” Dirk flounders, caught off guard, “I don’t…”

“You don’t have to. Just… think about it, okay? Telling me what you want doesn’t mean I’ll say yes, it just means I’ll know.”

“And… you want to know?” it sounds like the thought hasn’t occurred to him. “Even if it might make you... uncomfortable?”

“Yeah,” he smiles, nudging him a little. “Don’t see why I should be the only one admitting to wanting things.”

Dirk laughs, shaking his head. “Well when you put it like _that_.” 

He hums, resting his head back to Dirk’s chest and making himself comfortable, sighing happily once he’s settled. “I’m glad we’re doing...”

“The fun, kinky, sex thing?” he teases, grinning when Todd blushes and ducks his head.

“Well, _yeah_. I guess.”

He pulls him in a little closer. “I like you like this.”

Todd frowns, “when I’m not being a dick?”

“When you’re… comfortable enough to show me things nobody else gets to see. It makes me feel…” he shrugs, “special?”

“You are,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. This time Dirk is the one who flushes, a dusting of pink across his cheekbones. Todd feels some kind of vindication at the sight of it, but it doesn’t escape his notice that Dirk doesn’t reply. He watches him for a moment, trying to work out if he should just let it go, but he figures he’s probably not the only one who needs reassurance after these things. He’s trying to be more open. 

“Hey,” he starts, soft as he tries to catch Dirk’s eye, unsure why he’s hiding. “You- you know I wouldn’t do this with… _anyone_ right? Like- I’m not- this is-” if nothing else, trying to stutter through his words has pulled Dirk’s attention back, and Todd swallows nervously, determined to hold his ground despite the way the honesty makes him want to run away. “It’s… look, _maybe_ some of it is the kind of thing I could… sort of fall into with someone else? _Maybe_ I could handle… _parts_ of it as- as a casual thing? But- this isn’t that, _casual_ , and I don’t- I _trust_ you. I wouldn’t- I _couldn’t_ do that with someone else- with _anyone_ else so it’s not…” he can feel the way his face is flushing darker as he goes on, but something about the earnest way Dirk is watching him makes it feel too important not to. “It’s… _you’re_ special. Because- this isn’t a _me_ thing, and it isn’t a _you_ thing, it’s… it’s a me _and_ you thing, you know? You’re… _good_ with this, and you’re good with _me_ , so just- I want you to know that when- when I do things like that with you it’s because... I trust you not to take advantage of it and- I don’t do that lightly so it’s- you earned that, okay? It’s not- it’s not _easy_ for me. Except… when it’s you. So that’s… why you’re special.”

He looks away almost immediately, heart racing in his chest and cheeks stained red. Talking about anything remotely close to feelings always makes him feel vulnerable, exposed, but he supposes that’s something he’s been getting better at recently, and he _means_ it. Dirk deserves to hear that. Todd doesn’t want to fall into the trap of taking too much and never giving back, even if he thinks Dirk _would_ let him get away with it, at least when it came to talking about it. He doesn’t want to settle for assuming Dirk knows things like this when the only way to be sure is to _tell_ him. 

“ _Todd_.” Dirk sounds suspiciously close to tears as his hand hovers nervously for a moment before settling on his cheek, tilting his head up just enough for Dirk to press a soft, lingering kiss against his mouth. “I am _very_ lucky to have you.”

The simplicity of the statement makes him laugh, just a little, perhaps because he’s used to _Dirk_ being a rambly mess, rather than taking up that role himself. Either way he rolls his eyes, and Dirk taps a finger against his nose admonishingly. “I _am_. And I love you. And I promise in the morning I’ll make you coffee.”

“God, _please_ don’t,” he snorts, burying his face into the spot where Dirk’s neck meets his shoulder. It’s as good of a hiding place as any. “I trust you with everything _except_ coffee.”

Dirk tuts, but doesn’t argue. Instead he brings his hand up to comb his fingers through Todd’s hair. “Toast then. I can manage that.”

Todd hums, dubious, but he presses his smile against Dirk’s skin not a moment later. He feels warm, _happy_ , and it’s so far removed from the cold, empty, _sick_ feeling that all his casual encounters would leave him with all those years ago that he almost manages to forget what that feels like. Maybe with enough time, he will. 

“Toast,” he agrees. “But you’re not allowed to eat it in bed just because you made it.”

“I thought _I_ was the one giving the orders?” He doesn’t need to see Dirk’s face to know he’s grinning smugly. Todd pinches his side, smirking at the indignant “ _ow!_ ” that follows. 

“Don’t push your luck.” 

Dirk huffs, but Todd feels him relax anyway, cuddling in closer just because he can. Any tension he’d been feeling earlier that day has all but melted out of him, and while Todd is certain it won’t be long before it makes its way back, he can only hope that every time they do this it’ll get easier to ask for what he wants. 

Trusting someone to know what he needs might be a new thing for him, but trusting Dirk is something he can’t see himself regretting, and once the fear is stripped away the only thing left is excitement. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to that. 

**Author's Note:**

> Et voilà! 
> 
> There's more where this came from if you want it. Let me know. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed x


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